The Miserable Mill

The Miserable Mill is a 2000 book by Daniel Handler. In the book, the Baudelaire orphans get forced to work in Lucky Smells Lumbermill. Sir, the leader of the mill,only pays his employees with coupons that they cannot use, as they have no money, and the only thing they eat for lunch is gum, which Sunny cannot chew. Klaus breaks his glasses, and he has to go to an optometrist that has the shape of an eye on her building, who is working with Count Olaf, who is disguised as the receptionist Shirley. Dr. Orwell hypnotises Klaus to create problems in the lumber mill. The secret word is "Lucky," and when anyone says it, Klaus will follow their instructions. At the end, he nearly kills Charles, a fellow worker at the mill. Although, Dr. Orwell is the one that ends up dying, and the orphans are sent to boarding school.

Beginning
To Beatrice,

My love flew like a butterfly

Until death swooped down like a bat

As the poet Emma Montana McElroy said:

That's the end of that."

Note at the Back
Dear Reader,

I hope, for your sake, that you have not chosen to read this book because you are in the mood for a pleasant experience. If this is the case, I advise you to put this book down instantaneously, because of all the books describing the unhappy lives of the Baudelaire orphans, THE MISERABLE MILL might be the unhappiest yet. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are sent to Paltryville to work in a lumber mill, and they find disaster and misfortune lurking behind every log.

The pages of this book, I'm sorry to inform you, contain such unpleasantries as a giant pincher machine, a bad casserole, a man with a cloud of smoke where his head should be, a hypnotist, a terrible accident resulting in injury, and coupons.

I have promised to write down the entire history of these three poor children, but you haven't, so if you prefer stories that are more heartwarming, please feel free to make another selection.

With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket