The Austere Academy

The Austere Academy is a 2000 book written by Daniel Handler, narrated in first person as Lemony Snicket, as part of A Series of Unfortunate Events. In the book, the Baudelaire children get forced to attend a boarding school with Vice Principal Nero, Mr. Remora and Mr. Bass. They find a new gym teacher named Coach Genghis, although he is really Count Olaf in disguise. He makes them run laps, which makes them tired, which makes them fail in their classes. Although, they meet Duncan and Isadora Quagmire, who are two of three Quagmire triplets. They say that their brother Quigley died in a fire with their parents. The Quagmires and the Baudelaires find a disturbing link between them and their parents and wonder how many secrets their parents had been keeping from them. At the end, Olaf's disguise is revealed, but the Quagmires are captured. As they go, they shout the phrase "V. F. D", and the Baudelaires don't know what this means.

Beginning
For Beatrice,

You will always be in my heart,

in my mind,

and in your grave.

Note at the Back
Dear Reader,

If you were looking for a story about cheerful youngsters spending a jolly time at boarding school, look elsewhere. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent and resourceful children, and you might expect that they would do very well at school. Don't. For the Baudelaires, school turns out to be another miserable episode in their unlucky lives.

Truth be told, within the chapters that make up this dreadful story, the children will face snapping crabs, strict punishments, dripping fungus, comprehensive exams, violin recitals, S.O.R.E., and the metric system.

It is my solemn duty to stay up all night researching and writing the history of these three hapless youngsters, but you may be more comfortable getting a good night's sleep, in this case, you should probably choose some other book.

With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket